he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
