My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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