I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
