OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
We have started to decorate penises.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
