If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
