O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'm at about main and main street
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
