So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
