Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
