the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
