Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
