I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
