I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
