i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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