yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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