Already got asked if we're dating
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
