They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
