so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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