i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
