yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
barbara walters just said penis...
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
