She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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