Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
