How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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