why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
