Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
