Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
