sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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