i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
