We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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