she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
