ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
