what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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