He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
