she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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