i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
