Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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