It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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