Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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