Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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