dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
