I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Fuck appropriateness.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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