Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Randomize
