it was like his penis was on wheels.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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