that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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