I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
