so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
