I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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