Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
