The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
