dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
