My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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