you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
