I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Randomize
