I never want to see another naked old woman again.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
