god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
