Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
vagina is talking i cant
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
