So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
