Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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