I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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