I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
