her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
