if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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