Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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