fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize