That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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