someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
People in love make me want to vomit
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
how drunk are you?
Several
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
