1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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