To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
