Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
