at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
