Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize