so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
