they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
